She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
