He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
