Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize