I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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