bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
