I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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