She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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