Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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