Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
