don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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