I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The power of my boobs compel you
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
