my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
there is glitter all over my balls
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