Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
