honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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