Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
