sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
