um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
