Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
