She went from zero to smokin in five shots
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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