You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
