Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
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im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
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Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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