Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
