i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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