I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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