So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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