I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
