D3 body, D1 cock
he fucked my hip out of place.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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