He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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