I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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