I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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