You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
