I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
