dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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