in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I need to stop coming to work sober
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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