I'm lost and stupid without you.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How naked do you want me to be?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
