It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
