all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
