epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
