you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This is the high leading the old right now
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
