mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
