i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
