I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's always time for handjobs
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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