We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize