All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
