I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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