You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
