Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
