I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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