the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
