I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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