i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
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Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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