Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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