FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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