Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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