O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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