im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
