Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
