So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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