U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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