I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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