my phone needs a breathalizer
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
