Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
