I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
