Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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