when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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