I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
