I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
