I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
