So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
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I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize