Cold hands, warm shart.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
