don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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