I hate your face
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
