wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
His nipple licking is glorious
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