All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
