Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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