the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
