My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
