How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When are your genitals available?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
