i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
