i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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